lifelong ties to shit I can't explain

It started as long as I can remember. I can't specifically remember being abducted as a child, but multiple flashes, dreams and re-occurring voices have indicated something is going on. I remember hearing a voice that spoke to me as a child. It sounded quite distorted borderline animatronic. I remember telling my mother and crying because I could seem to hear it regardless of what I did. All the while I tend to see ufo's everywhere I go. I remember waking up in our house in colorado and feeling compelled to walk to the kitchen. There was a window in the kitchen that looked out over the backyard. A very large area of trees and foliage surrounded the area densely. I remember this feeling of fear that seemed to shake me to the core. Nothing could make it go away. I remember looking out and seeing about 7 or so ufo's in the distance hovering over the trees. Meanwhile from ages 5-16 I remember multiple flashes and sightings of ufos. I remember sitting on the bed with my sister one day and noticing how the entire house felt still.. there was a loud humming and seeing what I can only compare to gas coming off a grill , somewhat wavy and distorted pass through the wall and us as well. I could almost feel my speech slowing down. Then as me and my sister were sitting on the bed something says her name. This something that said her name was the same voice that I heard thats seemed to torture me mentally as a child. She heard it as well. Now Flash forward to age 18. Im at my parents house it's late, near midnight im on the phone I hang it up and proceed to head towards my bedroom. While making my way through the hallway I begin to feel incredibly tired. Almost a overwhelming since of tiredness. I felt my whole body being to tingle similar to how it feels when you hit your funny bone. I remember leaning on the wall for support as I felt almost like i was being drugged. suddenly my whole body is overcome with this tingle and I cannot move, speak, scream, nothing I can only see a through a small sliver of my eyes. I was lifted into the air i remember being close to the ceiling. I remember hands running all over me and being moved around and put into my bed. Suddenly I shoot up in a sheer panic. Thinking what any logical person would "wtf was that?!?!" ...Couple of months later I have a dream of being airlifted by some sort of ship to a place with rolling green hills and humans flooding off ships by the hundreds, but bizarre enough they were almost zombie like , being directed here and there with no emotion in there eyes like they were hypnotized. Now the other creatures are lengthy and have inverted knees and elbows. and Three pronged hands. Strangely they faces looked somewhat human. Larger eyes and smaller mouths but I remembered the one that came up to me had hair. So im looking around and all these "beings" are approaching the humans and fixating there three pronged hand to them and just walking off with the humans. I remember the one that came to me tried to talked to me in the most peaceful voice,(mentally) almost like it was trying to calm me. It then hooked onto my leg. and suddenly it was like it was reading my thoughts identifying with what I perceived as good and bad. Then I am flushed with a surge of memory and what I would identify as good. I remember feeling so panicked and I knew that it was trying to trick me and even though my body was being flooded by this seratonin like feeling I knew in the back of my mind it was bad, I tried to fight it. I woke up the next day panicked normally when you have a bad dream you wake up and feel better. I woke up to see 3 perfectly shaped circles on my leg that looked like bruises about a half dollar size a piece. I drew a picture of this "being" because I remembered it vividly. Now flash forward a couple months later I start having the paralysis feeling again, But I can get out of it sometimes weirdly enough because Im starting to recognize it. Times when im sitting on the couch late at night and I am just starting to get sleepy it starts to take place. I fight it because for reason I am not scared, but mad really mad. Probably the most vivd time was around 2:30 am. MY boyfriend was at work graveyards so I was asleep by myself. Then I start to feel it the tingle/paralysis this time there is quite a few of them I think maybe 4. I remember being spun around a few time on my bed and hands run up and down my body. Then I start to get drug off my bed...Now try to imagine being awake not being able to move or speak and seeing yourself being drug off your bed and not being able to do anything about it. I remember this feeling of pure hopelessness being pushed on pure fear. All I could do was think. But it hurt really bad when I tried to. At this point im on the floor and I can see the button to my floor lamp a good 2 feet away from me and just wanting to hit it. Meanwhile im being drug out my room. I begin to pray. I pray to god to help me and each time I am repeating to god to help me I am inflicted with horrible pain, Horrible. I started to sob as I continued to pray although the pain continued as well . When suddenly the corner of my room turned stark white and I move I sat up in a state of panic and was just balling. I knew that god had saved me as crazy as it sounds. That night is imprinted in me like a watermark I will never forget it, Now latest event. I was on vacation up in northern CA. I have this dream that I am take by 3 beings typical to greys. They only communicate telepathically. They make me stand on a table. Then they hand me a yellow ring that looks like a frisbee with a whole in the center. As soon as I touch it all sorts of info about me is projected onto this screen. Then I am told to move what looked like a ping pong ball with my mind and then Im standing back on a table and another one of these ping pong looking balls shoots out from the table and hits me in the crotch. I got mad and swatted it. Then they started all talking to each other as if they knew I was angry. I cant hear what they are saying and they are not moving there mouths. Like I said it's all mental. But I can hear like high pitched noises like a dolphin but sharper. But for some reason I know thats how they talk. Then im sitting at a picknick table in the forest with another dozen or so people. I see this guy next to me and I looked at him, ON his face was the same fear I had; I recognized it immediately. I asked him to see his hand. It looked irregular and elongated. I touched his hand and saw a flash of what looked like worms swimming through this guys body. All I remember him saying was "they're still in me" But the look on his face was so intense. Its almost as if I recognized his fear. Then I woke up in bed the room was ridiculously hot like 100 degrees. I was still tingling and crying. Balling to be exact. I could not determine if it was a dream or actually happened. But the feeling was still there and didn't go away. I identify with a lof of others who feel as if they are being watched. Mostly at night. My sister has had some of the paralysis and heard the voice a few times. I dont like that I remember and seem to retain so much of it. It's bothersome and often takes a mental strain on me because im continually trying to figure it out. I often stay up as late as possible before going to bed like 3 or 4 and I sleep with a bible. This is just a scratch on the surface as far as my personal experiences , but the ones that are largely significant or seemed to stand up the most. I am just interested as what it all means. I also seem to recognize reptillains or other species that are cloaked to look human. its weird. idk. thats enough for now